In the Name of ALLAH,
The Most Compassionate; The Most Merciful.

My Sayang, Dear ALLAH...

Salam.

I am ready at any time at all, to be called home. In fact, I long for You.

I am grateful for all the rezk You've Allocated for me. I hope to continually receive Your Blessings even in death and in life in the hereafter. It is not for me to choose to either be in heaven or hell. I am at Your humble disposal.

I must be strong no matter what Your Ultimate Decision for me is. I ask that You Provide me all the affordabilities I need to make it through, Your Way.

I beg You, too, for Your Forgiveness over my weaknesses and shortcomings. Only You are Perfect indeed. You are the Higher Power, The Supreme Being. ALLAH, The AlMighty.

All merits I have accumulated on earth shall be divided accordingly for the two most important people that have caused my birth. With regards to RasulULLAH's advice, 3 parts for my mother and another part for my father. On their behalf, please Forgive them both, along with my husband, till they are able to enter paradise through whichever door they please.

I promise You that I shall NEVER take away my life before my time comes. For You, and ONLY because of You, I shall steadfast with life for as long as You Wish it to embrace me. My Sayang, Allow me... dear death, salam. I am in love with you but do take me only when my time arrive.

My Sayang, I have no wish to want to accomplish other goals in life anymore. I only wish to work for You. Whatever I have achieved, thus far, I dedicate them all to You. I hope to leave this world without even a tinge of dissatisfaction. Meanwhile, I'll live each day as it comes and be prepared should death invite me the same night. When I go to sleep, please Pamper me. I've always wanted to be loved and pampered, by the one I truly love. In man I searched for reciprocal love, but to no avail. However, Thank You for this especially sacred relationship, You and I share.

I hope to be given my last bath by the person who love me the most. And that I share the sentiment with him. Let him shroud me with tender loving care.

My Dear, I am in no position to downright command You. It is all up to You, should my wishes be granted or otherwise. I am Your slave and You are The Master. My last wish is to be Received by You with Open Arms. InsyaALLAH, Aameen.

Sweet salam to RasulULLAH. Salam too to all the Prophets, auliya ALLAH, ibadillahis solihin, and the angels especially Malaikat Jibrail, Mikail, Israfil and Izrail. My sincere greetings to all my brothers and sisters in Islam. Thank You Ya ALLAH, as I managed to learn to love, and I have forgiven everyone, including my enemies and those not supportive of me. All because of You.

No tears accompany this texts in full, for I fully embrace what You have PreOrdained for me. Thank You, My Sayang.

Wallahu'alam and Wassalam.

Longing for You, still,
cherrywerryberry :)

 

 

 

[Mark this day, Tuesday, 6th October 2009 at 1:27am]

 

 

 

 

 

 

meaning of 'melawan kesepian', in my own words
[in accordance to my life story]

 

melawan kesepian - fighting Your 'Absence'

 

apapun yang terjadi
berjalanlah tanpa henti
"whatever happens, I often remind myself to keep on walking [forward] and not be hampered by the unceasing multiple testing times that comes, relentlessly, one after the other. ponder on its wisdom but never dwell too deep nor too long for I might get carried away or get hurt, and it would mean my lost"

airmata tertahan
waktu untuk dijatuhkan
"people with ill feelings in their hearts would love for my downfall. they would rejoice should I fail to achieve my goals and dreams. Each time they attempted an evil act, I hold back the tears that well up in my eyes"

nanti kita kan tahu
betapa bijaknya hidup
"the day will come and truth shall prevail. in life, there is justice"

sepahit apapun ini
pelajaran yang bererti
"no matter how tough the going gets, never despair for there are meaningful lessons to learn from, from each episode of trial"

semoga kepergianMu
tak akan merubah apapun
"I'm fighting Your 'Absence', My ALLAH [I have yet to return back home to You, for good], therefore meanwhile, I'm fighting Your 'Absence'. may my exact sentiments stay as I have willed them to You"

semoga mampu ku lawan
kesepianku
"may I be able to fight Your 'Absence', My ALLAH, and this loneliness that engulfs me. [You and I, we have a special bond. how I long for You. how I need You very much. I'm fighting the loneliness, being 'without' you.]"

 

 

note : 'Absence' and 'without', in regards to my plight. ALLAH Possesses All Wondrous Attributes In Abundance. He is NEVER ABSENT nor possible to be associated to being 'without', however, having been not home yet with him or death yet to invite me home, makes him being felt 'Absent' to me who is full of weaknesses and shortcomings. Thank you for being able to discern 'human language' to 'divine language'

 

 

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